Flagpoles, The Next Frontier of American Progress


Tim Webster

This past Monday, state representative of Nevada Clarence Baker made a statement to the press that elicited reactions from all sides of the political spectrum. “I just don’t see why they’re important,” Baker said in reference to the top halves of American flagpoles. “We never use them anymore.”

When asked about their opinions, several Nevada locals shared their thoughts.

“I think we should put all that unused metal to good use,” one man said. “Why not melt the top halves of the flagpoles down and make more guns? Think of all that untapped potential.” We told him that the flagpoles would then be half as tall and the flags at former half mast would then be at full mast. He ran away without responding, flapping his arms and screeching loudly.

We asked one woman about her opinion on Baker’s statement. “I think that these blatant representations of American exceptionalism such as the American flag show just how chauvinistic and white supremacist the KKK United States evil Nazi racist misogynist colonialist Trump regime is.” She then proceeded to break down into tears and shout at us about how “Bernie could still win this.”

It is clear that Baker’s words have caused a deep rift in his constituency. No one is quite sure what will come of them. One can only hope that some sort of change will come and that the scourge of vacant flagpoles will end.

This article was an original piece written by Tim Webster. The views represented here do not necessarily represent the views of Spectrum News Website and Magazine.