A guide to dealing with work place Velociraptors

A guide to dealing with work place Velociraptors

Another aspect  of working here at MAXtype  is the daily issues you will have to face. One of the biggest issues are the work place Velociraptors. They are smart, fast, and really want to eat you. So in the next few pages we will help you navigate safely in the work place without drawing the Velociraptors towards you.

TIP ONE:

Roughly two feet tall,you will not be able to see them over the cubical so always use the periscope provided to you when walking around corners. They are sneaky so you must always be on the look out.

TIP TWO:

Never laugh at a Velociraptor short front limbs. This is a very delicate subject for the Velociraptors and they will promptly tear you to pieces with their tiny limbs.

TIP THREE:

Climbing on the cubicles will not aid you in avoiding the Velociraptors. They can jump 10 feet straight into the air. There are 11 foot ledges in every room so if you can climb faster than it can eat you, go there.

TIP FOUR:

Like birds they have hooked claws to keep you from escaping. DO NOT LET THEM CATCH YOU. YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE.

TIP FIVE:

In short bursts they can run up to 40 miles per hour. You cannot do this. You cannot out run a Velociraptor. Get to the 11 foot ledges and climb if targeted by one.

TIP SIX:

They are carnivores so you may consider carrying small chunks of meat in a bag to distract them if they begin to chase you.

You are a valued employee and we here at MAXtype do not want to lose another worker. So please be aware of the work place Velociraptors and use the previous advice to stay alive. Good luck and don’t get eaten.

 

 

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