One Step at a Time

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At the bottom.

I look up at the sky that looms so high and the many opportunities it holds. I want to reach for the top, to go as far as I can, to be the best I can possibly be. Endless ways to take the journey and countless destinations to end upon. My blood races and pounds with excitement. I can’t wait to climb the sky, leave the mark of my footprint for everyone to see, to live this world to its fullest. I don’t know where I will go or where I will end up, but I know if I put one foot in front of the other I’ll get there eventually.

One step forwards.

People glance at me like I’m still at the bottom, like I have no clue of the journey to come and my fresh smile won’t last long. Their words and looks are blinded by my ambition, my drive to get to the very top and see what the world has to offer on the way. I feel myself growing, getting wiser even if it is just with little things. The sky is still way out of my grasp but somehow seems closer than before. I know that this journey is possible.

Two steps forward.

The more I go along, the more giddy I become. I know this is a sliver of the freedom I will have when I reach the sky, but this little amount I have received lights my goals even brighter. I still don’t know where I’m going, but the path is exciting. So many opportunities to take, so much to learn, all the flowers are laid around me, too many to stop and smell while I’m stimulated with chance. I don’t know where to start in the field of this greatness, but I know that i want to know it all.

Three steps forward.

Everything looks to be for the taking, knowledge, opportunity, happiness, lessons. Some happy, others indifferent, but never the same.The happy moments are my favorite. There seems to a lot of it them and the joy of feeling the plain bliss of the moment keeps me searching for more of them. Unexpectedly, in the midst of the high I come across a sad moment; enough to sober me up as I take the trek higher, enough to keep my eyes open while I move forward. I’m wary of whether I’ll come across a happy lesson, or one of sadness, but nonetheless I keep going.

Zero steps forward.

I’m frozen. Struck to the bone I stare straight ahead, unable to move. My mind is stuck on the bone shaking moment I just saw keeps me in place. No memory of happiness can get me to thaw, because that’s all it is; a memory. I replay the moment on repeat, like a broken record it skips and goes over and over and over again. I try to push myself out of this, maybe the next moment I pluck will be radiant with warmth and contentment, but I can’t make myself do. I’m a picture, a paused moment of time, and no matter how hard I rinse my mouth, I’ll never be rid of this taste.

One step backwards.

The sky no longer looks like a pleasant journey, more like a prize taunting you with the treacherous journey. That moment is still on replay in the back of my mind, reminding me to look up, to really look around me and see. I can’t process what’s going on while I’m trying to get the record off of the player, too busy to listen to the whispering in the back of my mind. My feet stumble over past memories, looking so faint and pale contrasted against the refreshing images in my heart. I don’t know where to go anymore.

Two steps backwards.

I want to go back. The days before reality seemed so clear and, well, real. When all that kept me content was looking up. I no longer feel content, I no longer feel anything in general. Everything is gray, the grass beneath my feet, the sky above me, the memories in my thoughts. There is no splash of color to spice up the dreary; nothing to turn me around and drive me up to the sky. Every smile seems fake knowing the all of the horrible things out there hiding behind every corner, ready to take you by surprise when you least expect it. If I go back the way I came, at least I know nothing will pop out at me. It’s safer at the bottom, nothing can hurt you.

Three steps backwards.

The familiarity of the beginning isn’t as comforting as I thought it would be. I no longer fit in at the start; I don’t have the same whimsy as before. I’m no longer enchanted by the thought looking up at the sky and seeing the possibilities. Now they loom over my head, taunting and teasing; always out of my grasp. I feel too worn down to be lifted up by the comfort of beginning. Though, I know I’m safe from the harm, nothing good happens either, trapping me in a constant state of dreariness. Not even the bottom can help me, where should I turn? Stay here where I no longer belong, or travel back up the treacherous path? I know my life cannot stay at the bottom rung forever, the only way is up.

One step forward.

Each step is a blind on, never sure of where I’m going next. I’m scared of what will happen next, but I know that whatever happens will make me a stronger person. There are happy moments, there are sad moments, but I know I’ll get past them. Now that I’ve realized these moments will always happen; they don’t seem so bad, just more bearable. Life begins to breath with a little more color. The sky still looks so far, the path uncertain, but one way or another I will make it there.

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