Spectrum Sass: An Anonymous Advice Column #2

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Issue #2 of Spectrum Sass

I recently saw my best friend cheat on a test, should i report her or keep quiet?

While I am most likely obligated by Spectrum policy to tell you that yes, you should report her, I am equally obligated to tell you that there is a special place in high school social hell for those who snitch. Take your pick.

I have been getting into the fall trend and wearing sweaters of different colors. People are calling me different types of vegetables what do I do?

Wear these and see what they say

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I don’t want to go to college, what do I do?

If you don’t want to go to college then don’t go to college. If you have the means to do it, take a gap year and figure out what you want to do. I once had a friend that didn’t have any post-high school plans or aspirations and after his gap year he found his secret passion in yam-farming. Life will occasionally surprise you.

I am secretly Poot Lovato. what do I tell my friends?

Tell your sister Demi to drop me a few million and then we can talk.

Help, I am a Sophmore and I still get lost in the High School.

Step 1. Get a map

Step 2. Be glad you don’t go to BHHS or Saline

My friends are pressuring me to do drugs with them. What do I do?

It really depends on what kind of drugs we’re talking about. If it’s marijuana, you could probably just roll some broccoli in a newspaper and hope that fools ‘em but if you’re talking about anything past that… get new friends. And maybe some therapy. Also contact the police because honestly those friends need to go ASAP.

I have no time to do my homework, but no teacher will work with me to help. How am I going to pass this year?

Cut the power cord to their computer until they submit to your will. Works 99% of the time.

 

My friend and I are dating the same guy and I didn’t even know it! Help! This is really embarrassing and he keeps texting us both the same love messages. One of my friends keeps making fun of me about it. It’s not my fault.

Okay first of all why are you still with a guy that both YOU and YOUR FRIEND know is cheating on you? Secondly, you should both start texting him the exact same responses to his messages until he realizes that you’re both in on the joke. Irony is just as sweet as revenge.

 

I’m lonely but I want to meet someone with the same interests as me, help!

farmersonly.com